Exchange of the Sacred Heart

22nd May 2021

Morning sit. Feeling sublime holiness in me and around me during meditation. Afterwards, the feeling of holiness was still so deep in me I could barely pick up my pen to write in my journal. During the sit, with my inner hearing, I heard these words spontaneously speaking themselves with my inner voice: ‘I am becoming Christ. Christ is becoming me.’ A fire of love exploded in my body and carried me far beyond this earthly realm. Then Jesus spoke to me: ‘I have placed my Sacred heart in you for you to carry in the world. I will bear my fruit, the fruit of my love, in you and through you.’ I was experiencing the most holy sacredness - far beyond anything I had ever felt before, as holy as the highest holiness I have ever experienced. Jesus continued: ‘My heart is your heart now and your heart is mine. Daughter of my love, share me with the world. A little while later I heard, ‘It is my love that fills the earth, it is my love that fills the heavens. It is my love that makes the flowers grow, it is my love that makes the wind blow, it is my love that makes the tide turn. It is my love that I plant in you that you may bear the fruit of my love in you and in the world.’ … ‘Be for me as I AM for you, holy daughter of my love, transfigured in my love, by my love. Share my love with the world.’

I was feeling the most staggering awe at what has just occurred and unfolded. I was speechless, almost unable to reply. All I could say was, ‘I pray to do your holy will, Jesus, Christ, my beloved.’

          After some time I said, ‘If it is true that you have placed your Sacred Heart in me – then help me every second of every day to carry you with reverence and humility in my being and in my doing. Thy will alone, holy father, mother. Thy will alone and not mine.’ …  I am certain I have never been as affected by a locution as I am by this one. Amen. Thank you, Christ, by your will alone do I choose to live. Amen.

Illuminated by Fire

Illuminated by the Light

Illuminated by Love

That evening I went to Adoration in Rathgar church. As I prayed, I felt staggering holiness flooding into me. Jesus was flooding his love and his words into me, and into my heart. It was an indescribable flood of love. Then again, like this morning, I spontaneously heard, ‘I am Christ and Christ is me.’ There was an explosion of holy fire in my body. I heard, ‘I have placed my Sacred Heart in your heart that you would carry my love to the world in my holy name.’ Unspeakable holiness. ‘My heart is your heart. Your heart is my heart. We are one heart and we are one love.’

There was a flood of love raining into me … it was even too much to bear. I kept praying that only the highest light of Christ approach me, offer itself to me, touch me. I prayed, asking, ‘Are you the Christ?’ three times. Then I heard, ‘Who but me would speak so tenderly of love to you, daughter of my love? Who but me would share my love with you? I fill you with my love that you would carry me to the world. Carry my love to the world. Carry my peace to the world. Carry my joy to the world.’ It was so intense and holy and incredible that I asked Jesus, ‘Why do you fill me to overflowing with these gifts of your love?’ Jesus said, ‘I fill you to overflowing so that you will share my love with the world.’

            Then, feeling I could be annihilated by the holiness of what I was experiencing and by the fire of love that was exploding in my body and my being I actually asked Jesus to stop – I said, ‘It’s too much.’  Then I asked in awe, ‘Why do you give me such heavenly gifts?’ Jesus said, ‘I give you so much because you ask for nothing. Many people ask for things for themselves but you ask for nothing.’

            Then I implored beloved Teresa of Jesus (Teresa of Ávila) to stand with me and protect me from delusion. I asked her to stand between me and this flood of love to ensure its holy origin in the one true love. She did so. I said to her, ‘If there is a question to be asked then I ask you to ask it and if I need to know the answer then I ask you to tell me the answer.’ She said, ‘There is one heart. There is one love.’ Jesus kept repeating in my inner hearing that he had placed his sacred heart in my heart – ‘My heart is your heart, my love is your love, we are one heart and one love.’

            I asked Jesus how can I know this is true – that what he tells me is true? He said, ‘You will know it is true when you live as I AM.’ I was on fire with love exploding in every cell of my body. Jesus then said, ‘There is great work needing to be done in the world. Help me to heal the world with love.’ I kept trying to be silent and to hear nothing – as per the advice of Meister Eckhart and John of the Cross but I could not stop hearing and feeling the Sacred Heart of love loving me with such intensity that I could have died for love.

            Later on, in my inner seeing, I ‘perceived’ a massive Cross of Light filling the entire area of the church in front of and above the altar – reaching the sky – filling the earth – blazing, glorious Light of Christ. At the very end, as the lady was placing the Host back in the tabernacle – I felt it with every fibre of my being – the holiness and sanctity of moving the Host. Then I heard, ‘I have placed myself in the tabernacle of your heart, carry me to the world.’ Amen, Amen, Amen.

24th May 2021

A very, very holy locution that I heard as I fell asleep last night and heard several times during the night: ‘Become Who I AM.’ … ‘Live as Me.’

I had such a deep understanding, as I never had before, that the Call to us is to become ‘Who I AM’ in our whole being. The gift of our design is that we have the capacity or the potential to become other than we are … to become divine in reality while still human. It sounds like a contradiction but it isn’t – it’s a paradox and a mystery and it is still true. The I AM is Love. Thus to become ‘Who I AM’ is the call to Love and the call to become Love. (Being becomes knowing).

During my morning sit I heard, ‘Make of yourself a living tabernacle of love; a new arc of the covenant of love.’ I felt such holiness and powerful energetics in me that I felt as if I could birth a galaxy out my womb, out of my own self.

3rd June 2021

Feeling a most sacred peace in me. I prayed, ‘I place myself in the Sacred Heart of your love.’

Then I heard Jesus say to me in my heart,

            ‘My heart is your heart, there is one heart.

            My love is your love, there is one love.

            My peace is your peace, there is one peace.

            My stillness is your stillness, there is one stillness.   

My joy is your joy, there is one joy.

My light is your light, there is one light.

All I have, I give to you.

All you have, give it to me.’

                                                Amen.

The holiness of it was staggering. Then I was hearing the song of St Francis, Make me a channel of your peace, where there is darkness only light …. Then I prayed, ‘Make me a channel of your love.’ Fire exploded in me. Then I heard,

    ‘Your sorrow is my sorrow

         Your sadness is my sadness

Your pain is my pain

Your hurt is my hurt

Your wounds are my wounds.

‘Let me bathe your wounds in my love

Let me comfort your hurt with my kindness

Let me soothe your pain with my ease

Let me lift your sadness with my joy and

Let me exchange your sorrow for my joy.’ Amen

7th June 2021

In my morning meditation I began by offering my heart-body as a resting place for Jesus. I invited him ‘to rest in my sacred heart.’ Stilling myself to make a calm, quiet place of peace for Jesus on Earth today. Such beauty, such serenity in my soul. Feeling Divine Love in me, filling me up – infusing itself into me – filling up every cell in my body. Then slowly, over the period of my sit, I heard Jesus say, ‘I AM the Light that surrounds you. I AM the Light within you. I am not myself, I AM you. You are not yourself, you are me.’ Such peace – and a blazing fire of peaceful love in me. ‘Rest your sacred heart in my Sacred Heart. Become love in me.’

11th June 2021

Feast of the Sacred Heart

Not yet knowing today was the Feast of the Sacred Heart, in my morning sit I heard, ‘Hold me close in your love today, daughter of my heart.’I replied, ‘Hold me close in your heart today, Christ the Sacred Father.’ That evening I went to the church for Adoration. The experience was beyond holiness – unspeakable, unutterable holiness. Unbelievable holiness. Jesus spoke to me in my heart, ‘I have placed my holy love in your sacred heart. … I have placed the light of my love in your holy heart. … I have placed my Sacred Heart in your heart. My Sacred heart beats in your heart….’ Incredible holiness. Then the words of St Teresa of Avila were in my heart-mind, ‘Inflamatus cor meum est.’ I was feeling a blazing fire burn in my heart.  Jesus said, ‘All of heaven can see the fire of love in my heart for you.’ Everything I spoke to Jesus, he spoke back to me. Even as he filled my heart to overflowing with his fiery love I still had a flicker of doubt that this could be actually happening, could all be true, and I heard Jesus say, ‘When will you believe that I AM you and you are me?’ There were many other blessings including, ‘I have filled you with my light that you would carry me to the world.’ Amen. And, ‘Follow me.’

12th June 2021

Transfigured by Love.

Beautiful sit, as usual. I prayed a decade of the Rosary – Mary finds Jesus in the temple. Then I read a short introduction to The Interior Castle. Thereafter, spiritual dryness. Except for about two moments of rapture it was mostly nothing. I was sad but I let it go – praying to have equanimity in the face of deprivation as much as with abundant blessings flowing into me. Sad, but not letting myself sink into sadness. Then I heard, ‘Write of my love in your Book of Love. Write of how my heart is your heart, my love is your love, my life is your life. Tell them of my love for you and for all. Write of my love, of my love transfigured to pain and the return to love. Of how I conquered the pain of the world and transfigured it to love in my own being.’ … ‘You are a chalice of my love in the world – I have filled your cup to overflowing. Carry me to the world.’

13th June 2022 Sunday

Morning sit in the garden. With my inner hearing I heard:  ‘Trust in me as I trust in you and do not lose hope. I have made a home for myself in your heart, I have made a place for myself in the womb of your love. Do not despair. Look at the holly tree shining in the morning sunlight, trusting that all it needs will be provided by Mother Earth. You too must trust that all you need to grow will be provided by your Mother-Father in heaven. You are my own precious daughter – daughter of my heart and of my love. Carry me in your heart as I carry you in mine. Feel the blessing of my love in your life.’

Later that morning at Mass, after holy communion, I was praying for guidance, wondering should I share these visions? Instantly Jesus replied, ‘I have filled your treasure chest to overflowing with my jewels that you would share them with the poor. Feed the poor of spirit with the food of my love.’… ‘Feed the poor of spirit, feed the poor of heart, feed the lonely and the destitute with the food of my love.’

14th June 2021

A beautiful, peaceful sit. Committed to being utterly neutral and not seeking, reaching, or clinging to anything that may unfold. I started with a decade of the Rosary for the Baptism of our Lord and reading introduction from St Faustina. My prayer was that I entrust everything to Christ the king. I ask nothing for myself but what God wills for me. Today I will begin writing the book of visions. Bless me all of heaven to discern well the way forwards with this work of love. Aiming for equanimity and no judgement, aiming for peaceful co-creative existence in Love as Love, in the Light as Light, even while I struggle on in this human form. Trusting to the loving care of my father Jesus, I pray for guidance in every second of the day in every letter of the work. Amen. Over the course of the sit I heard the following: ‘Receive my love. …. Become who I AM…. Become for me, as I became for you. …’ From the bag of jewels under my rib emerged a golden key, and I heard, ‘The key to love is love. Unlock the love of heaven with the key of your love. Become me as I became you.’

‘Receive my Love. Become Who I AM.’

That evening in prayer I felt exquisite, fiery holiness and love burning in me. The words of my morning sit came strongly back into my mind: ‘Receive my love. Become Who I AM.’ I fell into ecstasy. Hearing again, ‘Receive my love,’ I said to Jesus, ‘I cannot receive your love unless it is you in me who receives it. I, as my finite, human self, cannot receive this I AM Love. To experience the reception of ‘Love’ in me I must become Love (as in philosophy, to know something we must become it).’ As I uttered that prayer, I heard again, ‘Become Who I AM.’ And in a fiery flood of ecstasy I finally understood that, yes, to receive God’s love, I must become ‘Who I AM.’ Sacred, holy, fire flooding my being. My philosophical understanding is coming to life and being performed in me. To receive the Love, I must become the Love. My consciousness must become I AM consciousness – as like knows like – ecstasy.  As I realised that I finally understood what God has been offering me for years (Become who I AM) someone poured coins into the candle coin box and I felt the penny drop at last! At last, I felt in my body the sacred connection, and maybe even the enactment, of the two parts: Receive my Love; Become Who I Am. In order for us to receive / become Love we must receive / become the consciousness of Love. Incredible.

15th June 2021

The following day I was walking in nature reflecting on that powerful moment in the church last night when I felt the enactment of God asking me to: ‘Receive my Love’ and my realising that I, as a finite human being am not able to receive the love of God because I am too small. For me to receive the love of God would annihilate me – my finitude would be obliterated by the power of it. And reflecting on the philosophical principle that like knows like – and can only know like – the realisation that if I am to receive the Love of God in me, I must become God, (or God must become me which She already has), I must become infinite. I must allow God to transform my finite human being-ness into infinite, divine, being-ness and therefore enter Union. If I or anyone is to receive God as Love, I, we, must become God as Love. And this is as terrifying as it is ecstatic. It seems from the human standpoint to be profane – to say that I am becoming God or that God is transforming me into God (becoming me), that I am invited into Union or oneness with God, it seems profane, but in fact it is unutterably holy from the perspective of the Divine. And this, then, is the path of deification and transformation.

Reflecting on the Jewish people as the chosen race. God entering humanity … God, the Divine Intellect, knowing that what has been given to humanity is, at the moment, too much for us to understand, and so God became human in the person of Jesus, in order to show us, not just how to live, but saying, ‘I will walk the path with you. I will demonstrate what it means to be both human and divine. I will also take your lack of understanding, your sins, and failings onto my own being, and I will sacrifice my own humanity for you. I will bear the brunt of your sinning in my own being which is sinless. I will surrender to death on the cross so that you will be healed. I, Jesus, need no healing but I am showing you how it is that you have been healed by my love. So, I am inviting each of you to live as I lived, in selfless surrender to the other, to carry for the other what the other cannot carry.’

        As I was walking and thinking these thoughts a butterfly rested on a leaf beside me – beautiful brown colour with yellow-golden spots on its wings and I realised there is an originary arc of transformation from Spirit to matter. I understood God to be saying, ‘It was painful for me God /Spirit to become matter but it was worth it to create the beauty of the natural / material world.’ God is saying to us, ‘Yes, there is pain in transformation; yes, there is pain in transforming or transfiguring from one state to the other.’ And, yes, it is painful for us to transform from the material back to the spiritual but the first thing God wants us to know is, that it’s worth it. The ecstasy of the spiritual state is well worth the pain of transfiguration and transformation – just as the pain of childbirth is worth it for the mother. But not only that, God is saying, ‘I will carry the pain for you – give me the pain – I will hold the pain.’ Jesus held the pain of our transformation – and now the Christ says, ‘I will hold your pain, give it to me, I will hold it while you transform. I will hold your pain as you return me to Myself.’

(Noting also, if we don’t transform here – we won’t be magically transformed after we die – the path of transformation is the work of the human condition.)

           God has given Itself / Herself / Himself to creation, to nature, to humanity, as creation, as nature, as humanity. God cannot abandon its own self, so something is being played out whereby God / The Light ensures our return home. I don’t know if some humans will get left behind but I do know I am called to participate and contribute, and to walk this path home in my own life, in my own experience and understanding. I can share my personal experience with others and use my personal experience as an example of the universal experience of Return. With sublime humility, and acknowledging my fear of risking grandiosity, I want to walk that path of surrender that Jesus walked, that path of self-surrender to transformation and transfiguration from my human-self back to my light-self, my divine-self, which is the return of matter to spirit. Amen.

As much as we must not cling to our equality with God, we must not reject it either, but walk a middle road of acceptance between the two. Then Jesus then said to me: ‘I took your suffering onto myself – can you not take my love?’ Thereby giving me to understand that the whole dynamic is reciprocal. There is a painful beauty or a beautiful pain in the mystic experience. To become one with The I AM is to live as love – in constant ‘presence’, empty of self, clinging to nothing, open to abundance and single minded.

18th June 2021

Evening sit in the church. I heard,  ‘You are the daughter of my most Sacred Heart, the daughter of my heart, the rose of my love. Blossom with my love in your heart.’ A few days later I went to the church for evening Adoration. At St Joseph’s side altar I saw there were no candles lit and I was sad. I said with my inner voice, ‘I’m sorry I have no money with me to light a candle’, and immediately a fire exploded in my heart so I said, I have only the fire of love in my heart to give you. I give it you who gave it to me.’ When I next opened my eyes, I saw an exquisite tiny delicate white flame of light (reflected from somewhere else) in the exact middle of the vase of flowers on his altar.

At the altar of the Sacred Heart, my heart was full of love, deep, deep, love for my beloved father Jesus. I looked at the decorated ceiling of the alcove and I saw a painted rose with a baby’s face in its centre. I think it was then that  I heard Jesus say, ‘You are the blessed rose of my Sacred Heart.’ Fire, fire, fire exploded in my body. I felt unbelievable holiness. I knelt in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament for quite some time. Then Jesus said to me in my heart, ‘Sit and let me pour my love into your sacred heart. You will only say, Amen.’ Then began a glorious, sacred, sublime, fiery, passionate, outpouring of poetic love from Jesus’ Sacred Heart into my heart. ‘You are the sacred heart of my love, let me pour my love into your sacred heart.’ Fire. Fire. Fire. Then Jesus said, ‘Can you receive my love into your sacred heart?’ I was exploding with fire and with love and suggested to Jesus that it was too much for him to give me this much love. (It felt that I could be annihilated by his love – I couldn’t take it in). He said, ‘Are you saying my love is too much for the world?’ From then on all I said was ‘Amen’ to everything he said. Then Jesus said, ‘I will plant the rose of my love in your sacred heart. Will you let the rose of my love blossom in your heart and let it be shared with the whole world?’ Amen. Amen. Amen.

I’m only recalling parts of it all here. It was sublime holiness. Then Jesus was calling me his sacred daughter: ‘You are my sacred daughter of my sacred heart. You are the daughter of my heart. You are the blessed daughter of my holy heart. You are my beloved Sarah-Rose, daughter of my heart.’ Ecstasy. Awe. Rapture. Fire. Love. Indescribable ecstasy. He said, ‘I birthed you out of my Sacred Heart and planted you in my Sacred Womb. I planted you in the Sacred Rose of Christ and birthed you out of her holy Womb into the Sacred Heart. The world is my Sacred Heart.’ I was overwhelmed by the holiness. I’m not remembering it properly. I felt my heart exploding. ‘Will you let the rose of my love blossom in your heart? Will you let me share my love with the world through you?’  … ‘I am pouring my love into your sacred heart, pouring my blood into the chalice of your heart.’…. ‘My heart is your heart. We are one heart.’ ECSTATIC. I was holding my hands over my heart in reverence. Jesus had also said: ‘Take my hand.’ I felt like I was holding his hand. Then he said, ‘I will be the gardener of your heart.’ Most holy, most holy, most holy. I was almost collapsing with the holiness of it all. Then at one point calling St Teresa of Ávila to stand guard at my side to help me receive this holy love and to protect me from error or delusion. It was unbelievable – there was more but I can’t recall it all now.

At one point, in ecstasy with my head to the side I was prompted to open my eyes and they were looking at the last Station when Jesus is taken down from the Cross. Holy Fire. Seeing Jesus’ body lying on the ground I heard, ‘I am already transfigured. I was already transfigured in my Crucifixion.’ Recalling my morning Rosary, the Sorrowful mysteries, Jesus is laid in Mary’s arms and I was understanding Mary, in intense mystical experience, and seeing her beloved son transfigured to Light. This evening also understanding how Mother Mary was trying to protect Mary Magdalene who she knew was carrying the Rose of heaven in her womb. Amen Amen Amen.

Then I heard, ‘Fall on your knees and worship me.’ I knelt to worship my beloved, glorious Christ, my father, my king. The following litany of love was spoken:

O most glorious Christ

O most powerful Christ

O most illustrious Christ

O most illuminated Christ

O most holy Christ

O most joyous Christ

O most peaceful Christ

O most still Christ

O most just Christ

O most compassionate Christ

O most beautiful and adored Christ,

King of my sacred heart.

Amen.

Jesus continued, ‘I will uproot any weeds or anything untoward that enters your sacred heart. I will be the gardener of your heart. I will tend to the rose of my love in your heart until it blossoms forth with my love.’ …. ‘Can you feel the imprint of my love on your heart?’ Most sacred and beloved Christ, I do no justice at all with my words to the beauty of what you gave me to experience in your holy church. At the end, I was seeing myself as a medieval scribe … seeing the manuscript with a green and gold decorative opening letter and then seeing the flow of those golden symbols of light flowing onto the pages – vellum – laying themselves in order onto the page – golden symbols writing themselves onto the manuscript. I sensed, I am an illuminator. I wonder did I write or draw or both? At the very end Jesus said, ‘These golden symbols, (light language) flow continuously through the air.’

‘My sacred heart is your sacred heart, rose-daughter of my heart.’ Deo Gracias. ‘Daughters of Christ’, ‘The Rose of Heaven, Shared consciousness of Sarah my beloved daughter of Christ, the Rose of heaven.’

19th June 2021

(Obviously there are pauses between these magnificent sentences and words … it’s a slow unfolding over an hour – same for all entries.)

I heard, ‘I crown you with my love, most holy daughter of my heart. Will you wear the crown of love in your heart … will you receive the crown of my love in your heart and guard it with your life?’ Later on I heard, ‘It is not blood that drops from the thorns of my crown, but love. It is not blood that runs in your veins but love. Treasure my Sacred Heart as your own. I anoint you, daughter of my Sacred Heart to carry my love to the world. In you I trust, in you I trust.’ (I was close to being overwhelmed by the beauty of all I was hearing and wondered maybe was I imaging it all…?) Then Jesus said, ‘Why do you resist my love?’ Then he said, ‘Receive my love in your sacred heart. Inscribe my love into the heart of humanity with these holy words.’ O most unutterably holy time spent with the glorious mysteries introduced by St. Faustina. Unspeakable holiness flooding my heart and my being. Indescribable. Feeling my head then to be ‘pierced’ with the crown of God’s love … ‘It is not blood that drops from my crown of thorns but love; my crown of thorns blossoming with love, with the roses of your love for me. Share your love for me with the world.’ I was seeing the Crown of love – as a pure golden light, being placed into my heart. Indescribable joy. (I drew a picture in my journal). I prayed, ‘O radiant love of God, fill me to overflowing so that every breath I take may be filled with your love. Every thought I think be filled with your love. Every act I perform be filled with your love.’ In reply Jesus said, ‘You have seen my crown of thorns transfigure to a crown of light – wear my crown of light in your blessed heart, blessed daughter of my Sacred Heart.’… ‘Daughter of Christ.’ I asked, Is there to be an Order of the Daughters of Christ? Jesus replied, ‘The only power I give you is the power to be a servant to humanity.’ At the end of my prayer time Jesus said, ‘It is easier for people to pierce me with their nails than to accept my love.’

23rd June 2021

Beautiful sit in Rathgar church for morning Mass.  During Mass Jesus said to me:           

‘What has happened to the people I created to receive my love? You are living out of alignment with your true nature, your true function, and your true purpose. Your purpose is to receive my love but you live for yourselves rather than living to receive my love. I created you to receive the gift and the joy of my love and you will not receive it. Instead you have turned to yourselves for meaning in life. You have erected barriers against receiving my love. You have desecrated my holy land, you have desecrated the earth, and you have desecrated your own selves. Return to my love. Return to who I AM. Return to me and receive my love so that you may become Who I Am. So that you may remember who you are in my love, so that you may remember who I AM.’

After Holy Communion I asked Jesus for a sign of his presence in me. He said, ‘I am the light that shines in you. I am the light that shines forth in you. I am the light that people see in you. Shine with my love and share me with the world as I have shared myself with you. I have become who I AM in you.’ … ‘Share the gift of my love with others. I have filled your treasure chest with my jewels, the jewels of my love. Share my jewels with the world. Feed the poor with the holy word of my love.’

Then, kneeling before the altar of the Sacred Heart I felt such strong energetics in my heart space that it seemed as if Jesus was actually placing his heart into me. I heard, ‘I have given you my sacred heart to carry to the world. … Carry my love to the world. Become who I am in you. Receive my love. … You are my rose, my blessed rose, the blessed rose of my Sacred Heart. … I have given my sacred heart into your tender care. I have crowned you with the thorns of my love … I have crowned your sacred heart with the thorns of my love.’

In awe-filled response I prayed:

I have become who I am in you.

I have become who I am in you.

I have become who I am in you.

I pray to become who I am in you.

Help me to become who I am in you.

Help me to be who I am in you.

Help me to live as I am in you.

Amen. Deo Gracias.

3rd July 2021 Saturday

‘Do not be scared to speak for me. I will take care of you as my own self. I live in you. Go out into the world and heal the poor of heart in my holy name.’

Morning sit.  Looking within, I see my heart as a golden tabernacle – shining as a golden light within me. Then I see a Host of pure light shine within me and I hear: ‘I live in you now.’ In time, I see this inner Host rise out of me and expand beautifully beyond my body. It fully fans out around me so that I am now held inside a majestic Host of Light. Then I heard, ‘Go out into the world and share the good news of my love. You are living out of alignment with your true design. The people I chose to receive my love have rejected my love. They have chosen to walk a different path. The fuel of life is love – yet you live lives that you choose for yourselves. You are born for love yet you try to live without love. If the earth decided to move along its own chosen path in the universe it would cause the whole order and structure of the universe to collapse. This is what has happened to humanity. Humanity is designed to live for love yet it has chosen its own path. That is why there is discordance and disharmony where there should be accord and harmony; why there is hunger when there should be feasting; and pain where there should be joy.’ On fire, and in awe, I said in reply: ‘Jesus, my king, nail me to your Cross of love and never let me go. I give myself to you in love and I am joyous and humbled to do so.’ Jesus said, ‘I live in you, as you live in me. I am you, as you are me.’ … ‘Share my love with the world as I have shared it with you.’… ‘I do not ask you to engage in political debates with the church, I ask you to share my love with the poor.’

… As little as we understand e=mc squared but accept it as a governing law of science – why can we not accept love as the governing law of life?

Jesus tells me I am the daughter of his love. He calls me Sarah Rose, daughter of his heart. My aim is to understand my inner consciousness that names me Sarah Rose daughter of Christ. It’s this holy consciousness of a daughter of Christ, that with fear and trembling, I claim. At first with great trepidation and hesitation, then slowly, with increasing confidence.

If the goal of life is to know yourself – and if in my search to know myself I discover that I am a daughter of Christ  - why would I run from who I discover myself to be? Why would I reject the fruits of my fifty year search to know who I am? Instead, grateful to be learning equanimity from wise teachers I observe the self-knowing that is revealed in the act of uncovering who I am. I observe it and try not to run from it nor to run towards it. Rather, to gently experiment living with it and in it. What might it mean to live in the consciousness of Sarah Rose …? This is the journey I now find myself embarking on. This is the pilgrimage of my life – to walk the path of life home to love, trying to embody the consciousness of what it would mean to be a daughter of Christ.

I don’t think individual consciousness is where identity lies anymore – but in the collective. I’m wondering to which ‘layer or level of collective consciousness do each of us belong? (Maybe this is what Ken Wilber talks about.)  Rather than finding oneself as a self-identifying, self-standing, finite essence - I think we now discover that we share consciousness over space and time, over millennia and civilisations, over cultures and creeds. I think we find that we share a consciousness once embodied by a singular human being who inaugurated and enunciated that consciousness for us. This is what Jesus did. This is what Christ is. This is what Mary Magdalene did, and Mother Mary did. What Mechthild og Magdeburg and Gertrude of Helfta did. What Teresa of Ávila and Hildegard of Bingen did. What Buddha and Confucius did. It’s what William Blake did – they instantiated a new consciousness for all.

Where once we may have been called to be disciples of these teachers who by their being brought humanity on – now we are called to share their consciousness – not as child-disciples but as co-creators participating in instantiating the shift for all of humanity…. Each contributing to a different facet of the ‘diamond life.’ Why? I cannot say. I can only say it is what my sense and my intuition tells me … it’s what grandmother tree helps me to understand … it’s what I am prepared to believe for myself because I cannot find anything better to explain all that I observe happening on our lost and lonely planet at this time. … I am prepared to try to live out of the consciousness of Sarah Rose and help her birth her vision of a healed humanity, healed in love for the next millennium, the new age.

Conceiving the Unity of Being is not enough. Isn’t it better to birth what we know and not merely to conceive of it. Isn’t it richer to let the conception to come full term and emerge into its wholeness and flourishing as it was conceived to do. By not birthing our conceptions they lie stagnant within us – unable to be unconceived, risking either petrification or a stillbirth – coming out with no vitality or life-force but a mere iteration of an idea rather than the vibrant, although painful birth of the idea into form, into body, into life. This self-conception also deserves, and needs, self-birthing. That in me of which I conceive, I offer to birth with my being into my life and into my world.

I finished my reflections with a prayer:

I am the chalice of Christ. The cup of his blood. The grail of his love for Mother Magdalene. My heart is crowned with his thorns that bleed love into my veins. 

Can I admit to who I am and stop inventing fictions to explain my truth and hiding it under a lie, a veneer, a fiction that culture, civilisation, and Christianity has given to me to hide behind. Can I be who I am and honour you to be who you are too?

In the church I approached the altar of the Sacred Heart and immediately I heard in my heart, ‘Sarah Rose, daughter of my heart. I am the gardener of your heart.’ All the beautiful things Jesus had said on the last first Friday now he repeated and so reminded me of how much I had forgotten. ‘I have planted my love in your sacred heart. I will tend to my love in your heart. I will be the gardener of your heart and tend to my love until it blossoms forth and is shared with the world.’

I asked Jesus so many times could I trust all this love and locution was coming from the Christ. He said, ‘Who but I Who Am love could speak to you of Love in this way? Who but I whose name is Love, whose truth is Love, could speak to you of the truth of Love; could convert you to Love?’

So much wondrous, fiery, beautiful exchange with Jesus throughout my sit at the altar – for about an hour but I cannot recall more now. Towards the end I said a private confession and then asked Jesus what my penance should be? He said, ‘Your penance is to love me more.’ Fire. He said, ‘Do not be scared to speak for me. I will take care of you as my own self. I live in you. Go out into the world and heal the poor of heart in my holy name.’

6th July 2021

‘Follow me. Walk in the footsteps of my love.’

Inside, I was disbelieving the scale of the holiness that I am experiencing – thinking it is all too much for me, and the like … then Jesus spoke again and said, ‘Why do you resist my words; why do you doubt my voice? How can I share myself with you if you will not listen?’

Morning sit. I began by offering my brokenness and my naivety on the altar of love. Praying that God might use even my weakness to help heal the world. Then I was hearing the loving words of Christ with my inner hearing: ‘Follow me …. Walk in the footsteps of my love.’

I asked, as I was advised to ask, ‘Is this the Christ?’ three times. I heard,

‘Who but me would speak to you so tenderly of my love?

Who but me would place my church into your heart for healing?

Who but me would take you into my Sacred Heart and there transform and transfigure you in my love?

Why will you not listen to me?

Why do you resist my words?

I said,  ‘You know, Jesus, the reason I resist … that I fear falling prey to delusion or illusion and I fear that I am listening to my own ego and my own imaginary voice. I fear I don’t know how to be sure it is you who speaks in my heart.’

Jesus said: ‘My child, you have learned to doubt where once you trusted. You have learned fear where once you had love. Listen to my voice and harden not your heart.’ I was heartbroken to know that it is true, I have learned to doubt where once I found my joy. Then I was feeling energy moving under my right rib the way I often feel it when my energies are shifting. Looking within I saw the next chrysalis hanging from my rib transform into a tiny golden cup and I heard, ‘You are the chalice of my love; I have filled your cup with my blood; share my love with the world.’

In reply I prayed, ‘Attune me to the wavelength, the frequency, the note, the vibration and the chord of your love that I may vibrate with your love in the world.’ Then I saw that every cell in my body was now a golden cup, a chalice, and  that in my whole being I was a chalice of light receiving the blood of Christ transfigured to love. Understanding that through me, Christ may share his love with the world. Again I heard, ‘You are my cup, the chalice of my love, carry my love to the world.’

In profound brokenness I said, ‘Jesus, can you show me the way? Can you lead me every step of the way so that it is you and not me who offers your love to the world. This is my earnest prayer for protection.‘

Jesus replied, ‘I have poured my blood into your cup, into the cup of your love and there it transfigures to love. Let the world drink of my love from your cup.’

During the night I heard the Divine Voice say to me, over and over again: ‘Seek the truth with that which is the truth in you.’   Reflecting later, that, only truth knows truth; only like knows like; and only love knows love.

7th July 2021

Morning meditation

In my inner seeing I saw myself as my light self, my angelic self, my higher self, and understanding that she accompanies me not only on incarnation and death but in every moment of life. This is ‘Waking up’ – accepting that our light and our matter are joined as one. This is union. Then I heard,

‘This is the Divine Exchange. Give me your humanity and I give you my divinity.’

‘This is your birthright – not something extra – to re-discover yourself in the light so that I may live as you and you may live as me.’

Reflecting that people reject the light for different reasons – either to favour the dark, or because they don’t understand, or because they fear the light or because they don’t have confidence to live as the light they are. We are fearful to stand out, to be different, fearful not to fall in with the culture. People reject the light – yet the light is the only thing that can save us.

‘Let me live in you as I am, and let yourself live in me as I am.’

To discover our light essence is to marry our light to our darkness, our light to our body-self, and our light to the Light. Waking up is Union and Oneness.

All matter, including humanity, emerges out of the Light. There is no physical umbilical cord trying us to the light – but there is an energetic light cord connecting all matter always to the Light. The human grows into the awareness of her belonging to the light and then feeds herself from that Source ever after.

‘Live in my Light. Live in Me, so that I can live in you.’